How do 29 years go by and feel like only 1? I’m sure people have been wondering this since the dawn of time, or at least since the measurement of time first began. And now here I am on my own simple journey through life, wondering the same thing.
Tomorrow I turn 30.
It’s surreal and bittersweet.
On the one hand, I’m looking forward to this next chapter in my life and already have a bunch of new goals and adventures I plan on investing in more fully now that I feel readier for them. On the other hand, others have been ready for these things far sooner than myself, didn’t lose an entire decade wandering aimlessly, and it’s a little hard for me not to consider the things I always imagined I would accomplish by now when I was still in the first and second decades of my life.
But I can’t go back and start over and change the outcome. I can only accept that this was my story of being in my 20s and no one else’s. I can only accept that the ups and downs and in betweens happened, choices were made, and I’m now entering my 30s a woman shaped by it all. I can only accept my story for what it is and move forward, resolved to becoming a better and stronger and happier person by the time I’m 39 and reflecting back on another decade of life gone by. Because even if my story isn’t as amazing or successful as some and even if there were a lot of lows that I wish there hadn’t been, I am a better and stronger and happier person than I was when I turned 20.
I have been low, I have been mean, I have been angry, I have been careless, I have been clueless, I have been lazy, I have been scared, I have been stupid, I have been blind, I have been lonely, but if there is anything that this past decade has shown me it’s that I’m brave, beautiful, capable, kind, gracious, loved and worth so much more than others over the years have wanted me to believe I am. I am resilient and I’m not listening to those voices anymore. I can’t because nothing they’ve said about me is true and the things I’ve said about myself when I believed them are not true. I’m not the person others want me to be. I’m not the person I thought I’d be. I’m just a person who is learning how to be less afraid of living her own life no matter the “messy bits”.
So on this last day of my 20s, I’ll admit that I’m overwhelmed.
I’m overwhelmed with a desire to make sure I tie up as many loose ends of this decade as possible – if it’s even possible.
I’m also overwhelmed with a sense of peace in regards to where I am, who I’ve become, how I’m changing, and what lies ahead.
Here’s to my twenties, may the memories last a life time.
Here’s to my thirties, may they thrive.